This morning I was distracting myself with chores, avoiding a broken sink, and attempting to drown out the chatter in my own head when I decided to put on a Podcast.
I have a love-hate relationship with Rachel Hollis. I want to love her message and her brand, but often the inauthenticity is too much for me.
Mike gets annoyed with me when I share the most recent Dave and Rachel gossip regarding their divorce, even though we are both Team Dave. We joke about which one of us he would have a relationship with (Mike had a major crush on Dave when reading his book).
Anyway… I put my earpiece in and cruised the podcasts in my library. I started a few, but they weren’t jiving with my unsettled mood. I came across a half-finished podcast from Rachel and saw Elizabeth Gilbert’s name. The name sounded familiar enough to pique curiosity and resume the episode.
I didn’t know who Elizabeth Gilbert was until today, nor have I read her best-seller that changed millions of women’s lives and offered comfort and solace as well as a desire for more. I think that will change soon.
I listened as I watered the flowers in the front, but had to stop and pay more attention when Elizabeth was in the middle of explaining how anxiety is a lie.
Wait.. What?
I went back 15 seconds, then 15 more, and decided that wasn’t enough and restarted the entire thing.
I googled who this majestic, wise person was and scanned her books. Obviously, Eat Pray Love was at the top. Another book, one that I actually recently added to my library was Big Magic. Ah-ha.
Another google search revealed an article she had written about her own relationships. Midway down the article, she penned “I will always share anything personal with my life, if it could help someone else feel more normal” and my skin prickled with goosebumps.
This. So much this, guys. This is why I started my blog, why I’m so comfortable sharing such intimate details of my life, my mistakes, my pain, and my successes.
I have always felt like I’ve been both the gift and the curse of choosing to do the hard things.
My life is far from perfect. From struggling in my third marriage, to dealing with a teenage daughter who is now pregnant, to co-parenting with exes, to walking with my children through the loss of their stepsister to suicide, switching to homeschool for my babes’ sake, and everything in between. I vow to share it all, to make your own imperfect life feel slightly more normal. I want more than anything to impart to you comfort with your own life, much like slipping on an old sweater, worn but intact, scented with old tears and good memories.
I try and offer you hope through my own tears. And in writing, I comfort myself as well because I can finally string words and thoughts and make sense of my own messy life.
Now, back to the podcast…
Rachel and Elizabeth spoke of facing fears, finding enlightment, and discussed their own struggles with anxiety.
My takeaways were these (and please, please listen to this gem yourself – link below):
Fear isn’t always scary. Elizabeth spoke of encouraging listeners to write a letter to yourself, from your fear.
Hi, Erin. This is your fear. I am afraid of…. a, b, c.
Her thought was giving a voice to your fear makes it less scary. Defining what we are fearful of puts a concrete thing there in place of this big, looming, morphing idea. Once we name our fears and then define them, we can address them head-on. Or acknowledge their existence and peacefully co-exist.
Enlightenment is key. This stirred things within me that I had thought long since died..
Elizabeth speaks of being true to herself, of knowing herself as intimately as possible, because her one job in this life is to care for her soul.
She tells a story of her inner voice asking her to leave a situation, which she promptly does out of self respect.
I think that’s such a beautiful and interesting way to define self care.
You see, I am a people pleaser. I will 90% of the time say yes if only to alleviate some of the burden from your shoulders. And I have a lot of children that I care for. But there is only one me, and I am the only person capable of taking care of myself 100% of the time.
It is so important to learn your own inner workings. Your hopes and dreams. Your dislikes and your fears. And friends, tend to yourselves.
If you are a garden and you lovingly water and prune and judiciously remove weeds then you will end up with so much more fruit for yourself and to give to others than if you spent all your time watering your neighbor’s.
Know yourself. Learn to love yourself.
Another thing Elizabeth said here was that she could very specifically articulate “how to take care of a Liz.” She comes with an owners manual?! Wha?!
I’m in my late thirties, and I don’t even know how to operate an Erin. This is what touched me so, and drew me back to the podcast and listened on repeat for weeks.
The way she phrased those simple words, with so much depth and meaning… I have this one body, this one person to care for. I need to know her inside and out so I can do my very best by her.
Friends, I challenge you to know yourself so intimately that you can describe in detail to the people around you how they can best understand and take care of you. How beautiful is that?
Anxiety is a lie. This is what first caught my attention, and to date I’ve probably listened to this simple and short podcast thirty times now.
Elizabeth says that if she’s calling up her doctor, asking for anxiety medications, she is either lying to herself or someone else about something.
I’m not saying mental illness is a lie. I’m not saying these aren’t real struggles – because I too have waded through them.
I think it would be so wonderful to know yourself so well that you know if you’re experiencing anxiety, there is a lie somewhere.
Sometimes, it’s the hardest thing to be honest with ourselves. How many times have you said “I’m fine” when you’re really not? I would need more fingers and toes to count.
As a part of our personal care, we need to be frank with ourselves. Make a list of things that are going well, you know, as a little ice breaker. And then start listing the things that aren’t, in attempt to find what has you on edge. Which things can you fix on your own? Which things do you maybe need to have a hard conversation about? What can you let go of?
I so hope you enjoyed this post. Please, leave some comments below, share it on social media, and keep coming back for more ❤️