My daughter is having a baby (any day now!).
It wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies at first. She cried when she told me she was expecting. She thought I would be angry and disappointed.
What I was, was sad. Sad for all the things she would miss out on. Sad that in that instant, she abruptly veered onto a much harder road.
A road that I had to go down.
I wanted so much more for her.
I gave up the first half of my twenties to raise my babies, and the second half going to school so I could financially take care of them on my own.
I wanted her to enjoy a traditional young adult and college life – with dorm rooms, parties, and boys. I wanted her to be able to have hangovers and not take care of kids the morning after. You know, the good stuff.
I had Ab when I was 19.
I was just shy of graduating high school when I found out I was carrying her, quietly nestled away in my womb.
Her dad was ecstatic.
I was heartbroken on all the things we would miss out on.
My own mother died when I was 16, and I became a surrogate mom to my younger brothers. Our dad is wonderful, but a mother he is not.
I was so excited to move out and be on my own and only be responsible for myself.
And then I found out I was going to have a baby.
Ab has said she also struggles immensely with the thought of having a baby. She too wasn’t ready. She wanted to live the version of her life she had mapped out in her head.
Funny how things change
Motherhood quickly grew on me, and I pray it will her as well. I found a strong support group, and threw myself into the stay-at-home lifestyle. I learned to cook, and took joy in homemade meals and snacks. I taught my kids to read and write. We went on playdates and to the library and park and church.
Ab has pretty consistently been my most difficult child to guide (and I hope her brothers don’t take this as a challenge). If I say go right, she will go left. We’re still struggling with this. She’s a child having a child. She wants to buck everything I say, but she doesn’t know how to have a baby.
She will have to find balance with the advice I give and what will work for her. Learn to accept that hey, she doesn’t know everything, and I’m not as dumb as she always thought. And I know I’ll have to learn – probably painfully at times – that I also am not always right.
We will learn together.
But now she gets to embark on her own journey. She gets to take her history, and the story we created from our own mother-daughter relationship and make her own.
I’m excited to see her grow into a mother. It may not have been my timing for her, but it happened.
Her stepmother and I, along with her boyfriend’s stepmother, threw her baby shower a few weeks ago. We came together in support and love, and made it work so well.
She really does have some strong, amazing women to look up to and to lean on. I hope she knows how blessed she is.
I hope I’ve done enough to teach her and empower her to be the woman she is capable of growing in to.
I hope I’ve shown her all the beautiful ways to be a mother, and I hope she takes our shared memories and puts her own fabulous spin on her unique journey of motherhood.
I hope you soar, Abigail 💕
