Depression is a lie. Depression tells you that you don’t matter and that people will be better off without you and that is a LIE. Read that again. YOU matter. YOU are important. YOU deserve to be happy. Fuck depression. You CAN be stronger than the monsters in your head, and if you need outside help to accomplish that, that makes you the strongest, baddest beast that ever existed. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of your ability to overcome. Asking for help is the strongest thing you can do.
I have mentioned previously my struggle with depression, but I wanted to expand on that and then share the steps that I used to work through my depression and become my happier self again. Because being drained and exhausted 24 hours a day is no fun, y’all.
The first thing I did was reach out to my doctor. I was 100% honest with her about my feelings, and I felt like I opened the floodgate. I unpacked all the ugly, sad, angry things that I had been carrying around.
I started an antidepressant, and I let my doctor know when I felt like it wasn’t helping anymore so we could change the dose. Having open communication with your primary care provider is flat out necessary. Some antidepressants can have scary side effects, and you need to know it is perfectly fine to let them know that this just ain’t working for you.
I started exercising. I totally understand the LAST thing you want to do is exercise, let alone crawl out of bed every morning. I trusted that I would feel better. And eventually, I did. When you exercise, your body releases feel-good endorphins. I made myself spend twenty minutes on the elliptical day, and then do a quick weights workout (Bodyboss is great for HIIT training, and Pinterest will give you a ton of exercises you can follow at home or in the gym). Every morning I didn’t have work, I would put my workout clothes on. And then I wouldn’t change or take a shower until I completed my workout. For someone who is opposed to checking the mail without a full face of makeup on, this was definite motivation for me.
Speaking of Pinterest, I pinned positive quotes, uplifting pictures, and inspiring ideas. The cool thing is that once you start searching for inspiring and positive things, your Pinterest page is flooded with like material! This is why I am so passionate about positivity. It helped me to fix my own mindset.
I listened to podcasts. Rachel Hollis got me hooked on daily motivational talks, and now I try and listen to different things every day to broaden my outlook and inspiration.
I read and listened to inspirational self-help books. Ally Wong is my most favorite comedian ever, and I adore how she talked about becoming obsessed with self-help everything in your thirties. Preach, girl! Self-help is not for broken people – it’s for people who want to be a better version of themselves, and that’s something we should all strive for.
The more positive stuff I surrounded myself, the harder it was for my mind to dwell in the negative. Read that again. It’s true, and it’s powerful, and it’s something YOU can do on your own.
I had some difficult conversations with my husband. The most important thing about having conversations with those that have hurt us is letting go afterward. I would get more upset when I didn’t get the response I was anticipating, and that was wrong. He wasn’t, and isn’t, responsible for my feelings. I have to take responsibility for the emotions and baggage I choose to carry around. Let me repeat that. I am responsible for my emotions, and I alone carry the burden of lugging it around with me. No one else is, nor should I ask anyone else to carry my baggage around. Same goes for you, sis. You own your feelings, not anyone else. If you don’t like them, change them!
I journaled. I worked on my gratitude journal, even when my attitude was sucky and the only thing I was grateful for was the wine in my cup and that sleep was a form of escape. I wrote about my days, what I was upset about, what I needed to let go, what I needed to explore. I always, always wrote down the things in my life that I’m grateful for.
I spent time with my friends. The one thing I have noticed about getting older and having a family and career taking up 90% of my time is that even though the quantity of my friendships has decreased, but the quality has exponentially increased. It is absolutely invaluable to have people you can call on and vent to; just make sure you return the support, and try and add some positivity in there. My girlfriends are 100% my family.
Most importantly, I stayed consistent with therapy. After my stepdaughter died, I got the number of a family therapist and called her. We were all so broken, and I didn’t even know where to begin or how to handle anything. At first, I cycled everyone else through and always placed myself on the back burner. That was also wrong. You can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and that is totally okay.
I accepted that I would still have bad days. It’s a struggle to change your mindset, but nothing will ever change if we don’t intentionally take steps in the right direction. Trust the process, and keep moving forward. Sometimes laying in bed and watching trashy tv is therapeutic.
My biggest motivating factor to overcome my own depression was remembering the last eight months of my mother’s life, and not wanting to repeat history. My children do not need to carry around images of me cloaked in depression. I have to set a better example.
I didn’t feel better overnight, and I definitely didn’t do these things ALL the time. Don’t feel like a failure if you’re not able to follow a routine at first. The important part is not to give up. You’re worth taking care of. You matter. The world would not be nearly as awesome as it is without you. And as always, if you are having thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself and you feel like you might follow through on that, get help ASAP.